I was thinking earlier on today about something that seems complicated but isn’t really.

We, ourselves as individuals, are aware of how we see the world…but we are very seldom aware of how the world sees us. 

When we are aware of a video camera, or in a situation where we are aware of being recorded, our responses are restricted from how we would usually react. I, myself am always aware of looking stupid, so if I’m being filmed, I tend to restrict my reactions…with expressions, it’s harder, but I still do it sometimes.

I would actually be interested if someone secretly filmed me without my knowledge, but to see the results I would probably be very self critical of my posture, and the sound of my voice etc. 

This whole theory that I have, if you can call it that, is necessarily always involving video cameras, but then again a photograph captures one moment, and not a series of responses. 

I’m not sure where I’m going with this, but thought it was interesting… 

I love her.

I love her more than words can possibly describe.

But… I also hate her. 

She is so like me, but then not, I see no connection or relation…

because she says the unfathomable…the callous…and I can’t deal with that…

and I can’t deal with her.

But I love her.

But I don’t.

…all night and talk to someone about anything and everything.

…I’m just a deep thinker living inside a joker.

…I just want to message that person who I don’t know, just because they have a pretty face.

… I want to lie in bed with someone all night and talk quietly while listening to the rain drum off on my windows.

… I want to talk with someone and analyse every animated Disney film, because I believe that that they have some of the deepest messages.

… I just want to analyse people when I’ve known them for a while.

… I want to keep up my trait of correctly guessing people’s star signs/months of birth in three guesses.

… I want to learn to read tarot cards because I think that they speak the truth.

… I want to see a psychic again and try and speak to my best friend, and tell her all the things that I’m sorry I never said.

… I want to see a shooting star while lying on dry grass on a clear night.

… I want to camp out with the man of my dreams in a tent in the middle of nowhere.

… I want to have said that ‘I love you’ to someone before I turn 25.

… I want to have more hope and wisdom than I currently possess. 

… I just have this sudden urge to hug him and tell him that he needs to stop stressing himself out. 

… I just have this fear of being alone for my whole life.

… I want to be happy when I die and I intend to die laughing, or saying something deeply profound, no matter what happens.